​From Armor to Empowerment: Softening into Strength Through Self-Kindness

Image by Donna Carbone from Pixabay

Are you someone typical of being kind to others while being hard on yourself?

I was talking to a mentor of mine about easing into my softness - in relation to myself - and observing how my body responds. Immediately I thought about the Empress archetype in Tarot. Her feminine energy is able to flow through any situation without needing to use force. When the energy of the Empress is present things feel easy and enjoyable, without strain or excessive effort. And because you are relaxed and present, creativity can move through you.

This was coming from a woman who combines the strength, confidence, and decisiveness of an alpha female with the nurturing, creative, and empathetic qualities of the Empress. This is a powerful blend that I think most of us would recognise as a powerful individual regardless of whether in a male or female body. I’m talking about someone who:

• Leads with Authority and Compassion: Confidently taking charge and taking decisive actions while also being empathetic and understanding, fostering a supportive environment for those around them.
• Inspires and Nurtures Growth: Their leadership encourages and cultivates the talents and growth of others, nurturing their development both personally and professionally.
• Balances Strength and Sensitivity: They demonstrate a strong presence and command respect, yet remain approachable and caring, creating a harmonious balance between authority and warmth.
• Empowers and Protects: They empower others to reach their full potential while also protecting and advocating for their well-being, ensuring a safe and thriving community.
• Drives Creativity and Innovation: Leveraging their creative instincts, they inspire innovation and progress, bringing fresh ideas and solutions to the table while maintaining a clear vision for the future.

I recognised aspects of myself in this also, particularly in relation to certain roles I held at times in my career, and the way I bring up my children. My mind jumped to something I read about the metaphysical interpretation of soft skin a few years back, that our skin reflects who we are on the inside. At the time I’d never really thought of myself as soft in any way, such is the armour I’d developed.

But then I recall a therapist once observing how it was funny that I was hard on the outide but soft on the inside, while my then partner was like a teddy bear on the outside but hard as nails inside. And then a conversation I’d had with my dad when the kids were younger came to mind, as he observed how he felt his role as grandparent (the good guy) was being undermined because I wasn’t playing the bad guy as their parent.  

Yes I had come to recognise these softer feminine qualities in myself. However, this is about nurturing me. She asked me to observe how I respond when easing into my softness, my beauty, my motherhood, when turning those things in on myself.

That brought to mind Sarah Durham Wilson’s work on the archetypal journey from maiden to mother. Her teaching is about internal growth, self-responsibility, and embracing the full spectrum of feminine energy. It's about moving from dependency and external validation to internal strength, resilience, and a nurturing capacity that can then be extended to the world.

Her focus is on healing the triple mother wound, which refers to a complex set of emotional and psychological issues that can arise from difficult or strained relationships with one's mother. It typically involves three main aspects:

1. Personal Mother Wound: This is the direct impact of the relationship with your own mother. It could include feelings of abandonment, neglect, emotional unavailability, or even abuse. These experiences can leave deep emotional scars and affect your self-esteem, relationships with others, and overall well-being.
2. Cultural Mother Wound: This refers to broader societal or cultural norms and expectations placed on mothers and motherhood. It includes societal pressures and stereotypes about what it means to be a "good" mother or a "perfect" mother, which can create unrealistic expectations and feelings of inadequacy for both mothers and their children.
3. Ancestral Mother Wound: This aspect acknowledges that our relationships with our mothers can be influenced by generational patterns and unresolved traumas passed down through families. It recognizes that emotional and behavioral patterns observed in our mothers may originate from their own upbringing and family history, impacting how they parent and relate to their children.

The triple mother wound describes the complex interplay of personal, cultural, and ancestral factors that shape our experiences and relationships with our mothers. It highlights how these dynamics can influence our emotional well-being, sense of identity, and relationships throughout our lives. Addressing and healing these wounds often involves deep self-reflection, therapy, and sometimes, exploring family histories to understand and break cycles of pain and dysfunction. By healing this, we can reclaim our power, lead lives rooted in love, authenticity, and profound inner wisdom.

In many ways this describes quite well the largest portion of the personal growth journey I’ve been on for a number of years. However, the challenge to turn that nurturing in on myself is still one that has holes. For example, when it comes to making time each day for self-care activities that nurture your body, mind, and soul, I’m doing pretty well. But when it comes to compassionate self-talk, I’m probably failing miserably. Developing a habit of speaking to myself with kindness and compassion, instead of self-criticism, requires more focus. My inner critic is probably on overdrive.

And I can be hit and miss on many of the other things Sarah Durham Wilson recommends: reconnecting with nature, embracing the Divine Feminine, mending relationships with maternal figures, inner child healing, shadow work, creating personal rituals (that mark significant transitions or honor your personal growth), celebrating your wisdom, setting boundaries, seeking professional support, building a supportive community and pursuing passions and purpose. Honestly, some of these things I’ve done and do really well, others I’ve hardly looked at.

And when I’m asked to observe how my body responds to easing into my softness, my femininity, well, that is hard on two levels. The first is that I’m still very new to observing what is going on for me in my body as opposed to my head. The body stores our emotions and any resultant stress, tension or pain. I’m one of those people who is learning to come into my heart from my head, so thank goodness for working with someone as transformative as Evette Rose.

Evette is renowned for her transformative Metaphysical Anatomy book, methods and techniques. As an author, trauma release practitioner, and personal development teacher, she rather sublimely guides people through deep-seated emotional wounds, uncovering their life purpose, and achieving profound personal growth. To me, she stands out as the queen of 'going inward’ and observing the body, and I am incredibly grateful to have her profound insight and guidance at this point on my personal journey.

As I navigate this journey of embracing my feminine softness and nurturing myself, I realise that, just as I've learned to celebrate the nurturing qualities I extend to others, I'm challenged to turn that same kindness inward.

Perhaps you, too, find echoes of your own journey here. Are you allowing yourself the same compassion you give to others? Remember that our journey towards self-kindness is a work in progress, a continual evolution, filled with moments of insight and growth. Let's each find the courage to soften into our vulnerabilities, recognising the strength that comes from embracing our authentic selves.

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Presence Your True Needs, Talents and Desires to Step Into the State of Fullness , Take the Quantum Leap: Nurture Your Creativity and Intuition to Craft a Life of Purpose and Embracing the Feminine within All of Us. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.